A couple of weeks ago I wrote my thoughts on the United States Supreme Court’s decision to return abortion rights to the decision of the states. I know this has not been a popular decision for many. There are more pro-choice advocates than there are those of a pro-life ideology. In that blog I attempted to lay out my reason for being pro-choice even though I believe that all life is a gift from God.
Today I want to look at the issue of creating a caring for babies from another angle of the debate. MEN.
As I have been thinking this through, there is no pregnancy without a penis. Whether it is inserted by a loving and committed partner, by a drunken-filled moment of lust or passion, an illegal act of violence such as rape or incest, or the scientifically transferred process of artificial insemination, there is no pregnancy without a penis. Yet, in the midst of the debate about abortion I rarely hear the man being mentioned. Why?
Certainly, a part of the reason is that the woman is the primary nurturer as the baby grows in the womb. The little one makes a great impact on its mother’s life. The baby is solely depended on the woman to be sustained. This not only impacts the physiology of woman during the 9 months of carrying the baby, but there is also the ongoing care that child will need if it comes to full-term. The impact upon relationship, the impact upon work and the impact upon finances are huge. These impacts for the mother will be present even if the father of the child is actively involved. As a result, many women today want to have the freedom to say, “the impact is too great, I am not ready to carry this child to term.”
As for men, they do not carry the baby in their body. They do not have the physiological changes the mother has. In many ways, the baby is a baby only because the mother says it is. Until the baby begins to “shows,” or until there is “the quickening,” the baby is a being in name only. Dads are not as engaged and that is men who want to be dads. I believe this is one of the reasons men are not primary focal points in this debate.
But, what about those men who do not want to be “dad?” They wanted to have sex…the action of making a baby, but without the responsibility of caring for that baby. As a result, they might
Deny any involvement, or
Demand an abortion or threaten the mother’s life, or
Beat the mother in an attempt to force the loss of the child, or
Disappear, hoping to never be associated with the mother and/or child, or
Refuse to step up and take responsibility as a contributor of time, energy, or money
I believe it is time as a society we develop a “Pro-choice strategy” for men. If you have made choice to have sex and the woman becomes pregnant, then, make a choice to step up and be a man, a father to the child you helped create. Take responsibility to pay for that child, raise that child, be a role model for that child as it comes into this world.
As a society, to make this happen we could
Make the roll of a father parenting their children a major message at all levels of our national and community life.
Create family planning task forces to assist pregnant mothers and fathers as to how to be responsible role models to children. There are college sociology programs based on Family Strength models that train leaders to make this happen.
Just like SCOTUS did allowing public funding to support private religious education, let’s allow public funding to create and implement family training through churches. Historically, churches have supported and encouraged families.
Others.
And, if a man is not willing to take on this responsibility for the child he has helped create, we need to
Legislate DNA testing to identify the father and hold the father accountable
Increase the number of social workers to track down men and get them into the system
Maybe, if a man knew he would be held responsible for his role in the creation process under whatever circumstances, maybe, just maybe, he would take more responsibility in the act. Maybe that would be the best birth control of all.
I so agree with every word. You are so wise!